Right now.

Being at home without a crazy school schedule is really nice.

There's a lot of time to think and journal and daydream.

Then there's also a lot of time to self pity and wallow in fears.

Today I've been hit particularly hard with big waves of insecurity.

I can't blame it on my family for asking about my job status.

no.

It's been a steady build up of a lot of these kinds of internal thoughts.

Is it silly to just continue "creating"?

Does it really matter, what I'm doing right now?

What are my goals? Do I have goals?

Is this weird early 20's stuff? haha

Relationships & career seem to be the hot topics.

Here's an honest prayer tonight--

"Father, 

I'd hate for my ultimate goal in this journey

to be about making it big, striking it rich, and finding a husband. 

Teach me to be satisfied in the now

that You've presented and provided for me."

"The Lord is my portion," 

says my soul.

"Therefore I will hope in Him."

(Lamentations 3:24)

Amen.