Glamping & Tongue Taming.

Here are my #organiccamping friends.

We decided to spend this past weekend as each others valentines.

We rented a little airbnb cabin up in Big Bear, 

armed with a week's worth of food and drink, 

for only a day and a half up in the mountains. 

kidding about the valentines.

THAT was totally unintentional.

But what WAS totally intentional was how God orchestrated this weekend, 

spinning a sour, bitter ending into something greater and more beautiful.

---

I was sharing with my accountability group this past Monday about the Big Bear weekend ahead,

sharing about the friendships I had with the organic crew, even saying self righteously:

we have loads of fun together, 

but I wished we had deeper, more meaningful relationships.

hah.

Guys, when you ask Him, you receive.

and never in a way you can ever dream up.

Here was my little concoction for a nice little bonding time with my friends:

a happy weekend up in the mountains,

a morning spent in worship and devotions.

angels gather round and sing.

aaaand here's what really happened:

I had too much to drink.

goodbye to what little filter I had on my tongue,

hello to every single thought that came to mind,
now blabbed out loud.

I remember most of it though, 

what I intended for humor was instead delivered with malice and hatred.

and then obviously, not received well at all.

My tongue.

I think I've always gotten in trouble with my words.

I'm sure half of you reading this have felt the sting of my words before.

I can be sarcastic, blunt, mean.

Usually out of humor.

But my words can cut you like a knife.
I'm Lucy van Pelt.

Most of the time inadvertently.

Most of the time out of self defense.

(don't you dare make me feel vulnerable)

And this weekend, all of that manifested itself.

What I had hoped to be a weekend of deeper friendships, yadayada,

God instead opened my eyes to what was holding that back:

MEEEEEE.

ok, it's not entirely about me.

but it IS about where my heart is.

Sometimes you put good friendships on the back burner,

you make less of an effort because it's doing "good."
and by you, i really mean me.

I do this ALL the time with God.

I trudge through mud and rough times,

journal, pray, vent, have an epiphany,
God teaches me something amazing,
and it's "good."

and then I kinda forget that vulnerability, 

I forget about that grace.

And that's the thing.

I can't try to be "holier" and such to better friendships,
friendships are hard and they're not pretty and perfect.
but He can use embarrassing, drunken moments
to reveal aspects in your character that need a good tweaking.

So PRAISE GOD
for such a revealing weekend,
for His wisdom in letting us fall sometimes,
for room to grow,
and ultimately for His mercy and grace.

ah, we're so undeserving.

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"For the mountains may move
and the hills disappear,
but even then my faithful love for you will remain.
My covenant of blessing will never be broken,"
says the Lord, who has mercy on you.
Isaiah 54:10